10/11/2023 Practical Skills You Can Actually Use to Take Better Care of Yourself at Work – Part 2Read NowWhen it comes to workplace habits and caring for your emotional well-being an incredibly important and vital conversation surrounding is the skill of boundary setting. While this was mentioned on the previous blog about caring for yourself at work, the subject is so important that it deserves further clarification and discussion. Why? Because if it is challenging for a person to say no and set limits surrounding workplace habits, they can easily fall into the trap of people-pleasing. As a result, there is a very high likelihood that burnout will result as well as the likelihood of an increase of experiences of depression, anxiety, and/or chronic disillusionment. Using boundary setting skills can safeguard a person’s emotional well-being and prevent such negative outcomes.
How can workplace boundaries help? As I mentioned above, they can safeguard your emotional well-being. Not only that, boundaries can also build your confidence. There is an incredible amount of empowerment in telling someone no and creating a line between what you will and will not do. We do live in a world where people take advantage of other people and try to manipulate circumstances to their benefit. At many times, people who do this will take advantage of a situation, even if it means there could be a detrimental cost to someone else. Let’s use an example. Jim and Bob are coworkers at a large corporation. Jim works very hard, gets his work done, and avoids gossiping about others. Bob has a hard time getting his work done and would rather spend his time gossiping and complaining to co-workers. At times, Bob sees Jim has his work done and comes over to him to gossip about others and then asks if Jim would help him with his projects since he does not seem to be doing anything. Jim has a hard time saying no and setting a limit. As a result, Jim then feels a sense of discouragement after having listened to all of Bob’s negativity, gossip, and complaining. Moreover, Jim feels a sense of his confidence deflating as Bob gives him more work to do. Jim does not feel he has the ability to say no. As a result, his resentments begin to grow and fester to where he experiences a feeling of dread about going to work. Unsurprisingly, since Jim has a hard time telling others no other people take advantage as well. As time passes, Jim’s energy at work is zapped as he listens to negative conversations and work continues to pile in his que. Jim even feels a sense of some depression. How can we implement the skill of setting boundaries? Looking at the above example of Jim begs the question, what could he do? There are a few options and paths to choose from. If Jim wants to stay in his workplace and have a sense of well-being and grow in his confidence, he would benefit from learning to tell others no. So how does this work and where does “the rubber meet the road”? Jim may benefit from recognizing at what points in his work there is opportunity to assert himself so he can observe his limits and boundaries surrounding his time. One starting point would be for Jim to reflect on the honest reality of his unhealthy relationship dynamic with Bob. At this point, he can begin to see he is in a position to defend his needs and say no rather than be passive or go with the path of least resistance. A few ways to respond to Bob when he is trying to take advantage of Jim would be: avoid him as much as possible (probably wouldn’t work all the time), talk openly with him, confront him directly, or say no at any point Bob approaches him with gossip or when he is wanting to “throw work at him.” A few ways that Jim might phrase his responses to Bob: Option 1 (If Jim does not value this relationship): “Bob, I can’t continue to do this gossip anymore. I know I have sat and listened to you in the past but I can’t continue to do this. You will have to also figure out your own work from now on. Sorry if this hurts your feelings.” Option 2 (If Jim does value this relationship): “Bob, I want you to know I do value my relationship with you at work. Please know that. And I have to say that I cannot gossip with you because it makes me feel down and depressed and impacts my conscience. I feel bad. As well, please stop asking me to help you with all these projects. It is too much for me and I get overwhelmed.” Something I coach my clients on how to prepare for boundary setting when the person who is being told no could get upset or even have a tantrum. That person may also push back and defend which is very common. That being said, it can be helpful to simply be prepared to repeat or reiterate what was spoken but in a new way to help facilitate understanding. However, some people may not understand or they refuse to understand. It is important to simply let the other person feel and have what they have. If we feel anxious because they are angry, use deep breathing and self-compassion to regulate ourselves to through the moment. Take Care of Yourself! A person can frame a limit or boundary in the most perfect, eloquent way and yet the other person still may become angry, lavish guilt or shame, or simply refuse to show any form of understanding. If that happens, that is okay! Allow them to have space to feel what they feel and take care of yourself by having a deep sense of compassion for yourself. Setting boundaries is hard work and can be emotionally exhausting. But this is usually only in the short-term. In the long-term, it can improve a person’s confidence and mental wellbeing. PLEASE NOTE: None of this blog is meant as a substitute for personal clinical guidance. Please seek a trained mental health professional when it comes to setting boundaries, specifically if you are in a relationship with someone who you feel is abusive or could cause physical or emotional harm if you set limits with them.
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AuthorCorbin Henningsen, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in the Oklahoma City and Edmond, OK areas. He enjoys helping people who struggle with depression, anxiety, and traumatic memories. He has worked as a therapist since 2016 and has operated a robust and growing private practice since 2020. He loves to help his clients through a down-to-earth approach that helps them make sense of their internal pain while taking reasonable steps toward values, meaning, and purpose. Archives
June 2024
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