We will all experience anxiety throughout our lives. Regardless of your beliefs or background, anxiety is a normal part of suffering in the human experience. Whether you are trying something completely new to you (such as joining a fitness group) or you think about the next time you see that controlling co-worker you work with on Monday – anxiety can show up during both positive experiences or negative life experiences. However, this does not mean that anxiety has to be the ruler of your life. One of the common key ways for dealing with anxiety is: to avoid. We may find ourselves avoiding situations that could hold our life back from growing in new ways. We then may feel shame about avoiding and start to experience thoughts “because it is this way, it always has to be this way.” For example, because a person feels intense anxiety, they may avoid meeting new people, trying for a new job/promotion, or avoid trying a new activity. A habit starts being created and when we feel the anxiety we decide to avoid taking action. As a result, the anxiety we feel goes down (in the short-term). However, in the long-term, there are detrimental costs to not engaging in areas of life that could provide enrichment, purpose, and connection to a person’s values. Life begins to close down.
On the other hand, a skill that can be used in response to anxiety can allow space for life to begin opening up. The skill of acceptance is often misunderstood in our culture today. For many, acceptance might mean: getting over it, white-knuckling through the anxiety, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, grit your teeth through it, push it down, “accept it and move on.” However (and thankfully!) these ideas are not what acceptance actually means! Let’s say, for example, a person wants to apply for a promotion at their job but feels anxiety about the potential for changes in their routine and responsibilities. Anxiety about change is definitely not uncommon. Their immediate pull is to avoid and not apply for it. As a result, the anxiety goes down and is controlled, however, with a great potential cost of not getting a new promotion with better pay or a more fulfilling role. Acceptance would actually be viewing it from this perspective (Hayes, Strosahl, and Wilson, 2012): “am I willing to have this anxiety, not as I would like it to be, but, as it is, in order for me to take another step toward what matters, my purposes, and my values.” Another way of looking at it: “am I willing to have this anxiety, open up to it, hold it lightly, and carry it with me as you take step towards this new promotion because I want to provide for my loved ones that matter immensely to me?” Instead of talking about acceptance, let’s experiment with the skill of actually using it. If you are willing, follow the steps below (you can also be a little willing, half-willing, three-quarters willing, or completely willing!): 1. Take a deep breath. A full breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do this three times. 2. Take a moment and notice your thoughts, feelings, sensations, emotions, and internal experiences. Notice them just as they are. Whether they are pleasant or painful. 3. Open up to it, allow space for it, and be with it. Just for a moment, if you are willing, don’t try to change it. Be with it. Let go of the struggle if there is a struggle. Acceptance is a skill that can be used to allow a person to respond to their anxiety in ways that can leave room and flexibility for new steps and actions! I would encourage you to practice it as much as you can to better use this skill in situations that may be helpful for you. In closing, I will leave you with an acceptance audio exercise (Luoma, 2023): https://www.integrativehealthpartners.org/downloads/Acceptance%20of%20Anxiety.mp3 References: Hayes, Strosahl, and Wilson (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. The Guilford Press. Luoma, J. (2023, November 30). Acceptance of Anxiety. Portland Psychotherapy. https://www.integrativehealthpartners.org/downloads/Acceptance%20of%20Anxiety.mp3
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AuthorCorbin Henningsen, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in the Oklahoma City and Edmond, OK areas. He enjoys helping people who struggle with depression, anxiety, and traumatic memories. He has worked as a therapist since 2016 and has operated a robust and growing private practice since 2020. He loves to help his clients through a down-to-earth approach that helps them make sense of their internal pain while taking reasonable steps toward values, meaning, and purpose. Archives
June 2024
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